If you absolutely must indulge, please, for the love of God, be quick about it.
Glancing, grazing, dabbling are all acceptable forms of peripheral checking, but the gawking, gazing and staring has to stop. The ultimate key to happiness is to be your own boss, but if you can’t do that, at least try to live at your own pace.
(Photo by David Hume Kennerly/ Getty Images)399244 133: Actor and creator Larry David kisses his co-star Cheryl Hines backstage during the American Film Institutes AFI Awards 2001 at the Beverly Hills Hotel January 5, 2002 in Beverly Hills, CA.
Davids show 'Curb Your Enthusiasm' won Comedy of the Year.
(Photo by Vince Bucci/Getty Images)LOS ANGELES - DECEMBER 25: Larry David watching the Los Angeles Lakers play the Saceamento Kings at Staples Center on December 25, 2002 in Los Angeles, California. Writer Larry David and wife Laurie Lennard arrive to the Producers Guild of Amercia Awards banquet at the Hyatt Regency Century Plaza Hotel in Los Angeles.
In response to the sexual abuse scandal plaguing Hollywood — in which several of the town's biggest names including Harvey Weinstein, Dustin Hoffman, Brett Ratner, Kevin Spacey and several others have been accused of sexual harassment and, in some cases, assault and rape — David joked in his opening monologue, "A lot of sexual harassment stuff in the news and I couldn’t help but notice a very disturbing pattern emerging, which is that many of the predators, not all, but many of them are Jews."Watch his full monologue: He continued, "I don’t like when Jews are in the headlines for notorious reasons.When it comes to being a sensible guy, Larry David is the gold standard. But if you’re not going to do nice things, at least put in the effort mentally. Apparently, some people think you actually have to follow through. Make social situations as comfortable as possible (for yourself).After co-creating some of the best “Seinfeld” quotes, he went on to start up his own classic, “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” Now he’s just a shining role model to the highly judgmental and anti-idiocy mobs. It’s bad enough being in public with all the madness out there.Should there be an option to do what you do from home or work freelance, it’s highly suggested.Being in control of your schedule means controlling the nerves, bowel movements and overall happiness of your body to do what it needs to do when it pleases. And speaking of uniform, wear what makes you feel powerful."I used to keep a condom in my wallet, now I just have a little booklet listing which fish had the highest mercury content. Bernie Sanders during the then-presidential candidate Donald Trump's controversial hosting gig in November 2015 (where he also heckled Trump from the audience during his opening monologue) and Sanders himself made a cameo during David's first hosting gig in February of last year.Really cool guy, you wanna seal the deal, whip out that booklet at dinner," he joked. I want ‘Einstein discovers the theory of relativity,' ’Salk cures polio.' What I don’t want?‘Weinstein took it out.’""I know I consistently strive to be a good Jewish representative," he added, before saying that he sometimes wonder if, had he been alive during Hitler's time, if he would have been compelled to date women if he was in a concentration camp. If we ever get out of here, I'd love to take you out for some latkes,'" he imagined. Larry: "He wanted to do a 'stop and chat,' I didn't want to do a 'stop and chat.'Jeff: "Stop and chat?Then you open up that asshole one more time, step out his ass, then leave that motherf**ker wide open so he know you've been there."Leon, ever the wise one, offers some sage advice to Larry about dealing with jerks in life.