Of those struggles, the one that seems to take center stage rests in the love department. Many come into recovery having been isolated to the point that romantic relationships were but a distant thought; others are in relationships that no longer work when they stop numbing themselves.Then, out there in “the field,” there’s the matter of how to handle disclosures about sobriety (“I don’t drink because I used to be a drunken hot mess” or, even worse “I don’t drink because I used to be a drunken hot mess—oh, and I’m also dual diagnosis because I suffer from mental health issues”) doesn’t exactly scream “great partner material” on a dating site or app).I’m over 17 years sober and it took me years of frustrating and occasionally painful efforts to find the guy I eventually committed to.In that time, I encountered more men than I can count who either drank so much that it rendered them completely not present or wouldn’t even want to meet once they found out I didn’t drink.And of course, sober folks must contend with the fact that plenty of those out there for the dating are heavy drinkers or even practicing alcoholics themselves.
Manipulation in relationships of this nature is extremely common as you will always hear what you want to hear and promises of behaviour change becomes something that doesn’t mean much anymore.Addicts can be very emotional and ‘needy’ people who demand a lot of time and attention.They can also feel very uncomfortable socially and often uncomfortable in their own company.Much like Facebook, Single and Sober was originally launched for a specific location — in this case, Chicago (Reed is from Springfield, Illinois).Gathering users in that one area gave them time to figure out social media and SEO. Right; it’s also a spot where people share about their recovery.“A lot of people on the site list their recovery dates and how long they’ve been sober on the profiles they create — its really cool to see that,” Reed says.Statistically speaking, between eight and 25% of addicts find recovery.Yet even those who make it can discover that the pesky problems that proceeded sobriety are still there.He put “single” and “sober” into the search bar…and turned up the fact that indeed for sale.“I sat in my room for 30 minutes, going, ‘Wow should I do this? Mike asked him if he would be interested in helping build a sober dating website.His friend quickly agreed and Reed bought the domain later that day.Instead, Reed was simply a condo owner looking for sober roommates to rent his place.And he learned the hard way that people — well, they lie.