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Too shy for online dating dating men who have been in prison

"They looked at me in class for a tenth of a second today! " The points above are general shyness related obstacles that apply to both sexes in much the same way." (Cue melodramatic fantasies about getting married to them) "On Facebook they posted a You Tube video from a band I don't like. Below are the problems that shy women alone have to deal with: I put this one first to get it out of the way, since I think most people know about this concept.The more shy someone is, and the further into life they struggle these problems, the more severe and challenging to overcome the symptoms likely are: And like with guys who are anxious about dating, the fear isn't something they can just easily 'get over'.They may be interested in a man, but feel too chicken to strike up a conversation with him.However, even if someone knows that shy people can mistakenly seem snobby in theory, it's still easy to get sucked into thinking it in practice.If a guy approaches a girl, and she doesn't talk back to him much, he's likely to conclude she's just cold and rude and uninterested, and not consider the idea that she was paralyzed with nerves and didn't know what to say, or she was so anxious that she kept checking her cellphone to make him go away.People may also be projecting their own fears and prejudices onto the behavior of shy good looking women ("She's hot, she'd never like a guy like me.She's not laughing at my jokes because she's stuck up like all pretty girls", "She'd never want to be friends with me. She's like all those catty popular girls from high school.").

This piece was a little different to write for me, since being a guy, I didn't have the benefit of being able to draw on my firsthand experiences to inform my points (though you'll still see me interjecting a male perspective in parts).There are lots of women who have good romantic lives, but who still consider themselves shy around guys at heart, and wish they weren't so inhibited at times.There are women who were pretty shy in high school and during the first year or two of college, and it delayed the start of their dating lives somewhat, but they got worked through the worst of it by their early twenties.If he talks to her she may get totally flustered and tongue-tied, or be so anxious that she ends up babbling on when it's her turn to speak.The nervousness inhibits their ability to take action in the direction they want to go.Instead they have to wait and see if she approaches them or seems interested.This naturally leads to a ton of over-analysis and mild obsession as they look for signs that things will work out with the target of their affection.If a woman isn't considered that physically attractive, her shyness will be reinterpreted as well, but this time in light of a different of unflattering stereotypes ("She's not talking because she's weird and anti-social and mad at the world") This isn't so much a practical issue as an attitude that can make a shy woman feel their concerns are dismissed or misunderstood.The belief is that since men are expected to initiate romantic relationships, and to do the work of fighting past a woman's initial hesitation or wariness, shy women don't have to work as hard to overcome their issues.Similarly, if a girl is standing around a party and not talking to anyone, people will tend to assume she's unfriendly (unless she has a blatantly shy 'deer in the headlights' look on her face.) I think this view arises from a general belief that women are just more socially competent in general. Just that sometimes the default assumption is that women are naturally more comfortable in social situations, and so if they seem distant or untalkative it's because they're choosing to be that way.Attractive shy women face this bias the most, since people sometimes have trouble conceiving that a physically good looking person could have any problems with their confidence.

126 comments

  1. The key to dating is to avoid taking the whole thing too seriously. Because shy men and women tend to be more introverted and more observational thinkers in the first place, not taking things seriously goes against the grain of the shy personality makeup. But trust me when I say this As much as a first date seems to matter.

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